Posted by: jamesthethickheaded | October 3, 2012

Non-Exclusive Tears

This just in from some crazy Ketel One Vodka site I stumbled into… onto… or whatever… apparently in the “Who Knew?” Department: Folks are staggering over the fact that yes, Bad Guys have tears, too. Now a few years back, I never thought much about tears except to say, “I think I’ve got a speck in my eye…” and all that. Then I seemed to be more and more in some sort of dust bowl where the specks just start cramming their way in your eye at the drop of a hat. Not sure where that came from… but I do know it hasn’t got a bit to do with having the “chi” kicked out of me or anything. I’m pretty careful when it comes to being ’round mules that aren’t that cute sort of honkey donkey type. But a burro is a burrrito… if it’s small enough, and then you never know what might getcha.

And then somewhere along the line, I became Orthodox, you read this bit about “tears of repentance”… oh… just about everywhere. And so you start thinking, “It’s not that I’ve gone and lost my mind…. it’s just that somehow when I wasn’t looking… somehow I must’ve started getting all Holy and stuff! Sheesh! Not sure it’s good… not sure it’s bad… but it’s ‘splainin’ some things.” Maybe… maybe not. Yeah… we have this idea that these tears we have… hey… they must be good, right? ‘Cause I’m like trying to be good n’stuff. So…natch…? No, no it doesn’t… no ipso facto. Not a bit. See… it says here right on the label, out in front of God and everybody: “Tears of A-N-G-E-R.. that’d be anger… as in unmanaged. And I think they’re serious… just look at the bold type and caps. Yep. This is the ‘stay clear’ type. Probably have a bunch of MBA’s an’ stuff.

Funny how emotions of sorrow and anger can have something similar in them. But I guess they do physiologically if not emotionally (same thing?) and psychologically (still same thing?) and all. So I guess understanding Orthodox physics (different at last!) .. we’ve got three things normally separate that are really together. Oops! Make that four… four things. Feelslike I’m on Sesame Street and singing one of those “Three of these things are not like the other… four of these things are not the same…” songs. Tells us something, huh? And I think that’s why the Vodka people used this to get some attention: Vodka is boring by itself… but throw a few Russians in there, a little anger… first thing y’know… you gotta Gulag and it’s starting to get REAL interesting…. as long as they’re not interested in me… it’s well… no it’s not okay…. ’cause we did that already. And no, that really wasn’t the point either: I’m not trying to run in circles. The point these Ketel One folks wanted to make is that real men cry… cry tears of anger.. and I guess they’re supposed to do this as a way of “controlling” their rage against the machine. Dunno. And then they go and drink Vodka? Again… not sure the connection… but maybe they just wanna get my attention, sell a little vodka and all that.

But me? Well… being Thickheaded and all… of course I focused on the wrong bottle. And now so can you, too. FWIW, I’ve never tried the stuff…. but you might, or might not. Personally, it reminds me of the Kale Cleanse. No big. Yeah… guess my humor’s a bit off these days… and doesn’t take much to set it off either. Tears rain on us all… angry or sad or maybe something else entirely. And it’s just possible.. not a necessary condition, but possible… that this raining has nothing to do with our state or county of being 100% Holy ‘n’ Stuff… which I’m not. And I don’t even shop there – the discount christian supply store: “Holy ‘n’ Stuff” (not to be confused with my personal favorite: “Discount Christian”). We might even just have a speck in our eyes. And that doggone speck might turn out to be SALT!!! from tears of something or other… who knew? And y’know what? That makes me ANGRY. Whew… and with that tye-in… I’m off.


  1. More than once, weeping in confession, I’ve told the priest, “These are tears of wounded pride.”

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