Posted by: jamesthethickheaded | August 8, 2012

Anyone Pull a Switcher Roo?

So there we are… chowing down at The Palm. Me… given it’s slowing season (again!) on some combination of avacados and tomatos I hadn’t seen in a day or so, and my buddy… let’s call him Morty… chawing down on some brains. He’s a Zombie… but he doesn’t hold it against me… being that he’s undead and I’m not. And I’m wondering: “Who’s brains is he chomping on THIS time?” Maybe I’m missing something… but maybe on the other hand… that would explain some things… like why I can’t find my keys and stuff.

Anyway, for some time I’ve had one of those nagging suspicions… y’know that something’s just not right somewhere. Seems to me there’s this funny resemblance thing going on with our leaders. No, I’m not suggesting they’re Zombies… Morty is pretty much a loner in these parts… and what with these parts being Washington, DC… and his being pretty keen on… the area… I guess there’s just not many Z-men running ’round or something. Keeps sayin’ there’s “All these great eats… and no lines! I can’t believe it! Pinch me… no wait…”

And no, you don’t want to pinch him into one of “those states”. Let’s just say that whenever that happens, things get dicey and it blows Morty’s diet. Guy is a seriously overweight Zombie. But back to what I was sayin’, the fact is that I think what we’re really dealing with here is a lot more akin to Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

I mean, think about it. Haven’t you noticed an odd resemblance between Tim Geitner and Peter MacNichol? Oh… f’sure… don’t tell me you didn’t notice it like… day one? Dude is positively channeling Janosz Poha from Ghostbusters 2. Nah… of course you remember… curator by day, servant of the Dark Lord, Vigo the Carpathian, by night. Take a close look and tell me… tell me I’m wrong. I mean, seriously… tell me I’m wrong and that the Dark Lord himself isn’t running the U.S. Treasury, pushing interest rates to zero to starve the pensioners, raking off his “winnings” from rigging LIBOR, ruining our credit rating by lending all that money to nobody…all the while he’s cutting under the table deals to bail out Europe with our “lockbox” monies supposedly going to Social Security.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geitner

Oh right… sure. Yeah… I know Morty thinks that’s a lot of cruel innuendo and stuff. But truth is…you know who is lovin’ it… taking up new digs in Ireland, Greece or some other brainy Shangri La… and raving how he’s gonna have all the brains he can stand …to himself there and leave the scatter brains in Washington behind. “Never were very tasty anyway. Like y’know Thick, it’s like I been sayin’: If a brain can’t think so good… it just ain’t gonna taste much either.” Now seriously… you weren’t really worrying ’bout my safety after all were you? Nah… didn’t think so. ‘splains a lot, huh?

Peter MacNichol

All of which is to say… while I’ll miss the dude and all that, not having the undead sort of constantly… y’know chillin’ literally next to you at meals, not having to look at the lawdalmightyhelpus mess on his plate, or worse… worry where… or should I say, “who” it came from… that might be a real plus in the bargain.

But that leaves me wondering… how’d we get here? Frankly, I dunno. But anyone with a fair look at what goes on in our economy and markets these days has gotta wonder… am I dreaming? I mean… if I am, it must be a nightmare… and if it’s a nightmare, well, at least now we know… or think we may know why. But think about it… somewhere before he took office, Geitner slipped into the National Gallery, saw Vigo’s portrait… and there you go.


 In case you were wondering, “The Eyes of Laura Mars” had nothing on Vigo. Duh.  And if that’s literally all she wrote… then of course, what AM I doing here? Good question. Looks like I am outta here! I mean if they’re realling running ’round pulling switcheroo’s… whose next? Roo?


  1. It is a nightmare, yes.

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