Posted by: jamesthethickheaded | July 27, 2011

So I’m Thinking ’bout New Zealand

So… with all the mess here, the messed up government, the folks who don’t like each other… the soon-to-be-here Killer Bees and Fire Ants, the crazy people messing with nature releasing all kinds of species in our habitat… y’know, it’s getting kind of messed up around here. We’ve got snakeheads, zebra mussels, pirhanna, and all kinds of stuff we’re not supposed to have. And Really… who released the Pelosis, Bushes, Boehners, Pawlenties, Waxmans… and Weiner’s and all the rest into our environment? Sheesh! Stuff will make your skin crawl.

So me and the Frogs are thinking of giving it up and moving to New Zealand. We’d be closer to the Penguins… and that’d be good, and a lot further away from Washington, DC… and that’d be even better. Ever worry about a killer sheep? Nope. And sailing’s a national sport… and that’d be good. You quit work at 4:00pm and go outside… or so they tell me. I know… the truth is THEY quit work at 4:00pm because I’d be there still working. But a fantasy is good every now and then, isn’t it?

Yeah… despite what we hear to the contrary, I’m looking at the photo of the penguins… and I don’t see any poo. That’s pretty sweet, huh? Our geese and ducks aren’t anywhere near as considerate. My guess, Mom was right, and you put a dude in his Sunday best and you get his best behavior. So that means ducks and geese just need a change of clothes? What do Congressman wear? But just look at those Penguins! Must be using a port-a-pot just off to the right. And didn’t they pose nicely for the pic? English manners and all.

Yeah. That’s what we’re looking for in New Zealand. No skinheads, no aging British rockers, no pink hair and crazy stuff. Just a bunch of all around good guys who like to be outside. Kindly hobbits, maybe a friendly wizard… all that Tolkein stuff, too. For some reason, they call themselves some kind of fruit. Must be something they look like or eat?

So you look up the citizenship requirements, and you have to conclude: Pretty cheeky, huh? I mean, really… gotta be around all those days before applying? What if I think I might have had an ancestor who thought he was a Maori? Isn’t that like being there first… only I’m not because it wasn’t convenient at the moment… being here and stuff. But it’s the thought that counts. I’d say that’s good enough for a do-over credit of say… six years worth or so.

And I wouldn’t even need cable. Who’d look at it? You’ll be outside all the time, sayin’ stuff, like “Mate” and “Sheep” and “Cheeky”.  And from my trip to Scotland… I guess I’m trained for walking around sheep. Baaaa yer own self.  Sure beats hanging around here. I mean, as long as you’re gonna have to worry about what your stepping in… let it be sheep droppings rather than Congressmen. Just a thought.

But let me close with a just another: There’s a simple way to signal distress… and it’s what I’m doing right now. It’s one of those testy things you don’t want folks to get the wrong idea about… I mean it’s a basic of flag etiquette. It’s how we flag a signal for help… and it’s legit… like I said, “It’s in the manual.” But people do get the wrong idea and act sort of testy from time to time. Remember how you get rid of an American flag? Yep. Etiquette says you burn it… while thinking patriotic thoughts so no one thinks its a political statement. Have one that needs it. Have I done it? Nah… neighbors might be packin’. But since all my wondering lately has this sort of distress at heart, I’m thinking the time has come. So I’m flagging it right… even if you’re not sure whether you need to get your baseball bat from under the bed and whack me (thought I covered that this a.m…. I’m already self-whacked). So don’t panic..yet. But the bad news is… like who’s gonna come to our rescue? Greece? Russia? China? The French? Afghanistan? Pock-uh-stan? I dunno. It’s looking like we swim for it. NZ’s a long way, too.


Responses

  1. We have friends who are x-pats living in the UK. They say it’s wonderful. All the politicking here in the DC area is just a minor whisper and since they’re not citizens they don’t vote in England either. I’ve always wanted to move there myself – but NZ would be a close second. But it has more to do with climate than politics, etc. However, hubby’s pretty cemented to his job and so we’ve stayed.

    • This one was stomped on in a heart beat. Visit? Sure. Stay? Apparently out of the question. Nixed. Family is family and family is here. My job and its immovability apparently wasn’t even on the radar screen. Of course, I’d be more than happy to go and be somebody’s boat fixer upper.
      As if! I mean really, we’re here, and the place has been good to us. Can we complain? Sure. Do we? Sure. Does it mean anything? Not much.

  2. yeah, now that the kids are older and moving into their own lives, the idea of moving away from *them* is out of the question. But there was a time when everyone was little and I was pushing for it anytime it came up.


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