Posted by: jamesthethickheaded | April 28, 2010

Facebook Fuzzed My Brain

I’ll probably get in trouble for this, but my brains are fried after a series of pressure cooker days, my dog’s startin’ the day with a seizure, and a lot of other funky things goin’ down like a tomato. Not sure how tomatoes go down, but last I checked they should be coming up soon… like out of the ground. Cool. Unless you use one of those hanging plant contraptions I can’t even understand. Anyway…

A friend of mine posted:

“Another graph from the marketing research firm National Media Research, Planning, and Placement, this time of how the audiences of cable television networks skew in terms of party (Democrats to the left, Republicans to the right) and likelihood of voting (highest turnout at the top).”

“Looks like the networks with the most Republican audiences are Fox News (no surprise there) and the Golf Channel. The networks with the most Democratic audiences are SoapNet and VH1.”

My response:

My favorite channel’s the Test Pattern. I think it’s cuz I don’t fit so good into these categories… or maybe it’s cuz my eyeballs go all squiggly or goggly and I can’t read this doggone thing anyway… which is fine.

But what really troubles me is where’d the Sailing Channel go? Used to be right next to The Guys Who Get Eaten by Raptors Channel or was it the Davy Jones’s Bar ‘Cuz the Lockeroom… Just Ain’t Cuttin’ It Anymore Channel. Can’t remember… which just tells you somethin’s wrong with this crazy world… or maybe I’m crazy… or out of this world.

Gets me thinking of the perfect combination: “The T-REX’s and Great Whites Run Loose on Capital Hill Channel“. ‘Course it’d be a premium channel .. and if you pay enough they promise the “special effects” are gonna be real. I mean… they really eat half of those guys. Not all of them. And I’m not meaning half as in 50% of the guys get eaten in entirety… like the party of the first part, but all the guys get eaten to some degree… like the party of the second part. And with legal liability and all, we don’t want anyone actually checking out just because they were camera sensitive enough to home in on the sole camera in 1,000 miles of territory as usual… only to find they’re not on some cable news… but accidentally on porpoise (sic doesn’t even begin to capture the half of it!) on an entirely different sort of Sci-Fi reality TV. Yeah.

And it’s equal opportunity: the boys (T-Rex and Honkin’ White) like to eat and they’re not too particular whether you’re a Repooblikin or Dimocrit sort of food group. And they’d let’em survive so’s they could go into the healthcare system they just “fixed” up for us (“Nice… very nice”)… because they had no intention of actually using it themsleves. Oh yeah. Only in the broadcast, the only doc’s available are… you guessed it: part of whatever system everyone revolted against in the 1960’s but no one could actually figure out where it was… because the “medicines” administered made their brains go all fuzzy… like the graph. And now all we know is the whole thing was some sort of terrible mistake, but it’s too late for “Ooops! My bad”. Yeah… as if!

And so we settle for something like a romantic interlude in an action flick… which since we can’t cross the streams, we’ll have to move over to the companion channel: “Really Young and Inexperienced Doctors in Bureaucracy Channel WHO are Nevertheless Looking for Love“. This would be a hospital soap. Lots of sheets, lots of makeup, lots of make believe…maybe even kissing you don’t have to look at if you squint your eyes or change back to the T-Rex until it’s over…. but there’s  just not much happenin’. And of course  no one’s getting well… unless we want them off the show.

And all this from a guy who voted for the guy who made my eyes wink out so I couldn’t even read the fuzzed out graph some guy posted for another guy to look at. I don’t know. Sure, I’ve only found one guy I’ve ever voted for twice… which tells you I’m a poor indicator, or poor selector…. but I’ve virtually never felt so tossed under the bus so quickly. Okay. That’s not true. I voted W to clean house after Gov’nor Bill who’d I’d voted for ’cause… well… he wanted the job and the other guy (HW) didn’t…. and the palpable regrets came early and often.

So the lesson here folks is that if Putin is right and we have a stinkin’ democracy… and increasingly I think he’s right, then I blame myself in so many ways. Look at my voting record. It’s terrible. I keep voting for guys who keep winning… and then I try to vote them out… only they win again doggone it…. and so I’m stuck. But if you ever actually look at the minor party candidates… mostly they’re from the “Lawd Don’ Lemme Win” party. No one ever has a mainstream platform… in fact these guys are so determined to lose they post virtually every hare brained idea on their “position papers” as if to say, “Yo! Dude! I’m a protest candidate. Not a chance I’ll win. Your lost cause is safe with me!… but if you’re dumb enough to vote for me… and I win… dawg! .. an’ I’m you… which thank gawd I’m not… but if I am… I’d move to another country… make that two of us!” Yep it is that bad.

Anyway… gotta run. So Ciao!

And I didn’t actually write all of that. Just some. I mean… I may be crazy… but I’m not… oh maybe I am.


  1. I THINK you summarized my political views, kinda, except I don’t vote, not even for the Losertarians. But then again, I don’t complain either.

  2. SP: Dude… you gotta vote. Make the guys work harder to not let it count. Someday… they get overwhelmed, and real democracy happens. But it don’t got a chance without it.

    Do I complain? I guess I “wonder” more than complain. I’m trying to find my OFF button. One day… I will.

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