Posted by: jamesthethickheaded | July 21, 2009

On Bernanke and Why We Need Torture…

Let me state first off that I have a tongue and sometimes it gets planted somewhere inside my mouth and below my eyeball.  Okay. Get the  picture? Right… you just never know with this internet thing… where it’s headed next. Now that’s settled, here’s my bit:

This afternoon I was looking for some of those great on-line videos where Congressman Grayson ( a lone wolf  sort of hero these days  with some actual brains )  grills some of the CEO’s, Bernanke, the other Perp’s of our current crisis, and of course our “oh so responsible” regulators. Somehow, I stumbled on this blog where the guy is making the case for torture to keep us safe. Okay, I’m thinking… safe from the next financial crisis… right… safe from the Perp’s who won’t give us any REAL answers… and I laughed. I’m thinking, this guy’s on to something. Of course when you start to read his stuff thinking he’s gonna be worth a hoot, somehow he’s serious and on a completely different and soooooo later  track. You’d have thought we’d given that up by now, huh? Well… I mean I’m not in to the stuff actually… but when you think of it for these guys… some things are just too good to let go …just yet.

So imagine if you will a whole different set of circumstances when Bernanke goes before Congress:

“Ve haf vays of making you talk, dah?”
“Vere ees our $2 Trillion?”
“Dah. Eye…. Eye don no.”
“Aaak!…. Okay…. vill talk…. vill talk!!  Ze  $2 Trillion….eees…”
“Vas? Vere??? Vere???’!!! Tells me now!!”
“Dah!! Gifs eet to us now!!!”
“…Eees in my basement FREEZER! Ha ha ha ha!”
“… anf Yule vill never find it!!! Ha ha ha ha! Aaaak! Aaaaak!!”
“More VOLTAGE!!!”
“Aaaaak!!! Aieeee!!”


Oh… that was good. Soooo good! Thanks… I’m feeling better now. And sorry Ben…

….yes… sorry… I’m really not quite sure where the accents came from. Must have been a haywire in my Babel fish, or maybe the guys are some combination of Pennsylvania Dutch and “Mars Attacks”. I dunno. And for what it’s worth, I’d say it’s a good thing we got some folks not just singing… if you know what I mean, but like Jerry Jeff Walker and his bad ol’  boys… singing and winging their way on back to Texas…  it’s a good thing ’cause otherwise… well, pretty soon it coulda been folks with American uniforms and accents that would be starring in those B-grade movies, the butt of all the jokes, and the scarey guys… an’ we wouldn’t want that, now would we? Nah. In this country, our thugs wear Hickey Freeman suits and Gucci loafers, and sit in chairs near K Street or the Capital dome.

Now guys… seriously… doesn’t this make the mess in Palm Desert look… not good… but chump change? I mean really… I’m not dismissing it… it’s just it fits into the fabric of a set of values we can’t seem to escape thes days… anywhere. It’s hard to see a line when everybody’s stepping over it. And not everyone was lucky enough to have my Mom: “They… whoever these they are… they’re not you and I’m not buying it.” Yeah. Mom could be tough back in the day… especially when it was me. But I’ve let go of that… honest… I love her… and I had it coming. Always.

So I don’t know about you guys, but I’m thinking maybe this latest is the Lee Iaccoca book I’ll read.  I mean, I got the last one… but then the K cars turned out to be something of a “K is for Krapper.”..  ‘cept for the woodie LeBaron convertible… that was sweet! Anyway, Lee’s as full of himself as the next guy… maybe even me, but given that our astronauts are pretty much singing from the same page these days about whatever happened to real men, going for the gusto, you only go around once in life and all that…. I mean really… I guess that all went out when they messed up the Schlitz can. So either Lee’s on to something,  or maybe he’s just thowin’ some blowback from the Greatest Generation to the Not So Great Generation (But We Were More Hip Back in the Day Before We had Hip Replacements). I’ll let you know.

Stogies... Keep the bugs away!

Stogies... Keep the bugs away!


  1. I think we need to play Slim Whitman music for the rest of Bernacke’s life in prison.

  2. Yes… But will it explode his brain?

  3. Of course that assumes…..:)

  4. I think you had too much laughing gas during your dental surgery.

  5. LOL! I think you’re on to something. Hadn’t occurred to me…but hey… there you are.

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