Posted by: jamesthethickheaded | February 25, 2009

Facin’ It on Face Book

So I tried a Facebook page. Ha! What a hoot that is. Makes me think of how things must have gone when they were first putting mail slots in:

” ‘scuse me, bub… would ya’ mind if I sawed a hole in your front door? Y’know it’s the latest.”

“My front door? Put a hole in it? Why’d anyone want you to do that?”

“Normally, it’s so’s we can let the bees in…  But for you I gotta special. For you… I got the best hole-in-the-door… it’s one people come by and drop things into your house through a hole. I’m thinkin’ for you… we’ll be lucky and it’ll be some sort of bomb…”

“Huh? I’m afraid I got stuck on that part about the bees…”

“Nah. Got that covered… literally. I mean we put this hinged sheet of metal on it. Tight, man. No bees… only the good stuff. Bombs …if we’re lucky.”

“M-kay if you say so. What kind of good stuff we really talkin’ about?”

“Y’know… notes from your friends, photos of their kids, bills, junk mail… the whole she-bang.”

“Junk mail and bills? Great… I mean if it was just notes and photos.. and a few bombs here and there… I’d say… sheesh… who wants that?”

“Yeah… there’s always a darkside… but at least no fruit cakes other than you…. and then all the rest… just comes with it.”

“And drop dead notices from the IRS, too?”

“Nah… for those you need a subscription or something. Ask the guy down the street with the potato in his tailpipe. You want this thing high in the middle or at the bottom?”

“How low can you go?”

“Feets don’t fool me now… how’s that fit?”

“Done. Dude, that was sweet. And at last… I’m with it. Git me some shoes… maybe I can be somebody.”

“Nah… I’d say you’re more like a target.. actually.”

So I got myself a new mail slot… they call it a Facebook page. No, you don’t want to go there. Even I don’t want to go there. Tell you why: It was of course an immediate hit with the kids. Yep. Went something like this:

“What’re you doin’ on FB?”

“I don’t know. Followed this link to friend’s photos.. and here I am.”

“Couldn’t they have just emailed them to you?”

“I guess…. but then they’d have to email them to everyone… and y’know that’s a real hassle. Files get too big to email, IP’s get upset, everything gets put in the spaminator… and first thing y’know… nobody gets anything and you’re feeling anti-social…”

“Not half as much as… uh… y’know I’m not friending you.”

“Sure, that’s okay. I can digg it.”

“And I’m locking up all my stuff from you, too.”

“Y’know… I’m r-e-a-l-l-y not interested in that.”

“Right. You know and I know… this is really jus’ you wanting to see my stuff.”

“Y’know… there’s something like 175 million people on this thing? I don’t think I’m going to be spending that much time trying to learn about someone (you) I already know pretty doggone well. I mean seriously… ain’t a lot of secrets there I don’t I already know.  Want to run through the list?”


“Okay… and for the record… the stuff I don’t know… I’d be happy keeping that way… but somehow you’ll leave it out for me like something the cat dragged in.”

“We don’t have a cat.”

“I’ve always thought cats are best when they’re rhettorical.”

“And you know you DO wanna see it.”

“No… fact is… I’ was 20…. once…and that was enough.”

“That’s right… forgot you starred in Land of the Lost. Weren’t you the Raptor?”

“Gas was cheap when you could throw a dinosaur in the tank.But I never understood what Esso was thinkin’ with the tiger…”

“Sure… whatever…there… now I’m all set for maximum encryption.”

“Oh… an’ I’m feelin’ the love…”

Yeah… so this is a move getting rave reviews around the house. Including… and especially from me.

And that’s the truth. The way things are these days, I have a business web page, a blog, and now a FB. I’ve been over at OC, I’m on, I’m on Reunion…  which has morphed into something else like “MyLife” in the last day or two… and I’m wondering what ‘s all this buzz about Twitter. No I”m not asking for all this stuff.  I rarely even check it once I set it up. Even forget my logons and passwords. And then just when you think you’re “done”, a friend or a client sends one of these “invitation” things to some new network at you. What are you gonna do? “Just say no?” Those sorts of campaigns tend toward the ex… as in ex-friend, ex-client, etc.

So I keep getting dragged into  and onto these things against my will. It’s like the Leviathan’s at the other end. We have all these places… all these media… and all these networks to keep up with. I mean… is it just me… or does it seem like someone is literally trying to suck all the life out of our real live human relationships and replace them with “virtual” people we hardly know? Yeah, sure, they’re great people. But have we “met” them… or only encountered them on-line? Give me the flesh and blood…. warts and all… it’s a reality I can manage… maybe not well.. but at least I won’t get confused…. or if I do… at least it only takes half the time to get and stay there.

So I’m thinking there’s a reason our Church communes us in the physcial flesh and blood… and it’s starting to look like a very good one. We should not lose the message, not lose the meaning, and not lose the flesh and blood reality of our lives while we can still hang on to it.

Okay… the rant-o–meter’s reset to off.  Thank you.


  1. Facebook is a great way to find and keep up with old friends, former students, etc, as well as new friends (like people you meet on the blogsphere for example). The downside is that it can definitely turn into a time black hole. You have to limit yourself to only a certain amount of time (say 30-60 minutes) a day, and then shut the stinkin’ thing down.

  2. Forgive me…. let me admit that as my mom used to drone, “And who held the gun to your head and made you do this?”

    “Uh… no one.”

    “And so you’re blaming….”

    “Uh.. duh… Myself.”

    And there I am thinkin’ a check in once or twice a week… five minutes max. It’s ’cause I’m just geezin’ man.

    It does help to put a name and face together… take some of the anonymity out of the blogosphere in particular. And that’s a good thing. That’s the ONLY reason why I do these things. But …famous last words… I’m not posting much. This let’s folks see I’m not quite the whack job I am.. or whatever they choose to conclude… but a rather uninteresting bald guy.

    Hope you’ll forgive my rant… it’s not aimed… I mean what can you do with a phenonmenon? Can you really rant about having a mail slot? No. You gotta have one. Then in my grand parents day it was the radio, the TV, color TV; in mine it’s been 45’s, then LP’s, then 8-track, cassettes and CD’s, Beta then VHS, the Fax machine, email, HighDef, WiFi, Fiber, wireless, iTunes, iPhones… now this. What’s a guy to do? I’m just thinkin’ life was pretty doggone good when it wasn’t so atomized… when we couldn’t afford long distance, and when people talked to each other, wrote letters, and saw someone’s hand writing. We’re not going back… but we have to find our way to understanding how we become humans amidst all this stuff that seems intent on redefining who owns our thoughts, our photos, and our lives (look at these contracts – it sure ain’t us!)…

    Just a grumble on the way to lunch. ‘cuse me…

  3. I feel your pain.

    I find the finding old friends thing to only work for a short while. Yes, its fun to find old friends I haven’t seen in (cough) 25 years, but then its like we’re done catching up and don’t really have much in common. Do I really want to know that they’re “headed off to work…” etc.?? I think in the end I think I’d rather just run into them in the grocery store and spend 10-20 min. catching up and be done with it.

  4. that was TOO funny.

    Have you seen the YouTube “25 Things I hate about Facebook”?

  5. ROTFLMAO! My daughter set me up a myspace page last year and I’ve never seen it and I delete any messages asking me to be friends with anyone on a website. At last count “reunion” tells me there’s 68 people looking for me. I don’t know if that counts all the IRS agents…. LOL!
    The way things are on the internet anyone can find anyone if they are REALLY interested in re-uniting with you. If you want to talk to me, send me an email or call me and leave a message. If I want to talk to you, I might reply. Life used to be so simple. Wha happend??

  6. Donna:

    Thanks for the suggestion. The video seems spot on. Especially the part, “There ought to be an age limit..” Nah… Y’think? Actually… I think these things are self limiting.


    Remember that old song, “Life’s Been Good to Me So Far” ? The whole FB thing … or at least my encounter with it… seems to conform to the notion of having an office… but never going there. I mean… so I take out a social networking page… and I never go there to social network, and don’t have the patience. What’s with that?

    General Question:

    My Yahoo mail account, FB, literally everything… seems to figure out I’m a guy and there fore they pitch the “Find out who’s looking for you” ads with scantily (or at least tightly clad) sweet young things… always female….

    What I’m wondering is whether this is something like the ads on football games… like they know the audience and pitch it low accordingly… or whether the context of the internet means they can do better. I mean… do women find that their Yahoo, FB, and everything side bar ads show erudite, mighty buff looking guys in tuxedos… or do they get the same doggone ads?

  7. I enjoyed the “25 Things…” and sent it off to a few friends.

    Skip there is a way to get rid of the ads on the sidebar at FB. I can dig the instructions up if you want.

  8. We get the same ads. My spam box is full of women looking to get a rise out of me and drugs able to make my …ahem…larger. I am resisting the FB thing rather successfully so far.

  9. Mairs:

    The Borg informs me… I mean us: “Resistance is futile”.


    If it’s better than the thumbs up / thumbs down… ??
    My FB plan is to check my page… um…. weakly (not a mis-spelling)… which I guess this makes my FB page “anti-social” networking… a concept which simply boggles the mind.

    General Question # 2:
    Where do high school bullies go to “social notwork” ? FP ? as in FacePunch? I’m sure they could have a lot more “stuff” to do (to each other) on their site. Could require its own game gear, and turn into something of a merger between FB, Dungeons & Dragons, and Grand Theft Auto.

    Sadly… I’m just not sure that the average FP page would look all that different from the average FB.

  10. James, Surely you were never a school bully!? LOL. That is pretty funny though and quite an interesting question if you get a friend request by someone who was less than kind in their younger days.

  11. I went to a boys school. So they had classes in the stuff. But somehow… I seemed to be in the wrong section. My section was more like “How to drop and roll”.

  12. LOL!


    You write truth my man.

    And to answer your question, yes women get buff guys and “do ya wanna look like ____?” fill in your favorite beautiful female celeb.

    Uh…no…not if it requires the same financial investment as purchasing a house and putting lifts in everywhere but my brain!

    Though I am in FB, and have checked it out daily for about a week, I am finding it tedious with all the little snippets of “I’m doing/going/getting/ising” all over the place. I email, call my sister weekly, and leave it at that.

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